Hello everyone (which is probably none), I hope all is well for you.
This space is very intimate, my, no one knows I use it, nobody knows what I write .. and no one says, which makes me happy, because I would not discuss the reason with anyone.
:-) I decided that I get sondrio, a very quiet, made up of people who follow more or less similar paths, and will probably be offended by reading this. But be careful, do not want to offend anyone, I just want to express my thoughts, then the bottom is a thought?,'s Not an absolute reality? .. No ... so you feel that these words do not want to create more pain than what I feel inside me. are not dedicated to anyone, just for me.
But I write here, because I always think that one day, if someone were to read them in a situation similar to mine, you can find questions and personal discussions that could help him experience things in a lighter (or believe that mine was heavier of them!)
I recently found out that without realizing it, I have dedicated myself to transform my life in terms of another person, another inviduo with his truth, his idea, a form that ... obviously is not "my".
I love my husband, but I realize that I'm wearing the worst bundles, ie: my happiness.
All I did was that building a prison in which I project myself as the cop who believes caxx every action, thought, idea, reaction, and while this position at the outside I gave to my husband.
"my husband", we start by this sentence, my .... my ... my what?, At what point I decided it was mine?, At what point her husband has become the mirror of my projections? .. And then What does it mean husband?, what it means to me?.
That said, let's go, I'm alive and living according to someone else, so I stopped having dreams, ideas, inspirations, goals ... at first I thought it was a period, perhaps a bit apathetic, but it is not as a result. They are almost 4 years that I move made by me in this prison, giving blame to another when I have the keys to exit.
We are not talking of divorce because, as you well know, is not from outside that you can solve an internal problem .. in fact, always finish to take it there .. like a shadow.
I have always considered free to choose ... but it was a mask to hide the largest of the judges, the worst in history inquisitive. I got the most inhuman torture, more bad ... and all without even realizing it .. and meanwhile back on the blame to another.
Madness?, Well I'm sorry to tell you, but no, it is folly, but a more normal behavior. You do it all, every day, every time you do something you do not want, whenever you say you work because you need to eat even if you hate your job, every time you kiss someone who does not love more every time you say NO and then Yes or on the contrary, every time you say yes and no.
Now, however, are not willing to continue in this madness that we call normal, I do not want to lay my life in the hands of another, no longer want to tease or play alone, or tortured, I suffer because I'm just bored.
holy holy I want to savor every second of this life form, I want to be there every time my head will come up with a new jail and laugh, I want to loving every situation with open arms. Accept and play at tina, but consciously, aware that when the dream becomes a nightmare I know go home and wake up. I'm going
sondrio, but this time will be different, because now everything is different now is already tomorrow. I'll give
goals, will play to win, and even when I lose I will laugh ... because at the end of this play is that so .. then you die. And I would not
interpretaste last thought as pessimistic, but as the greatest of joys, because it is the awakening, awakening the idea that we are obliged to suffer, not waking up with the idea that we are more than a pile of thoughts .. . This is the My gift to you, wake up.
I love no one, Good day.
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